Ethiopia is 7 hours ahead of us. Hopefully, Abigail's birth mom has completed her long journey from Mekele and she is preparing for court tomorrow. If she does not appear the courts will not finalize the adoption, and we will be rescheduled. The agency tells us it is not uncommon for this to happen. Apparently, buses are delayed, electricity goes out for long periods of time or all the players simply fail to assemble. My American mind has a hard time fathoming all this so I am left to simply pray all goes well. Obviously, this should have been my first instinct. Eighteen long months into this process and I should have learned a few lessons. I look at the precious photos of our little girl and I am just so hungry to hold her...
Today, I find myself looking at the clock wondering what is happening with Abby and her birth mom. The agency recommends that she spends a few minutes with the baby to say goodbye and gain closure. I want to know how you get "closure" when you are letting go of a child that grew in your belly right beneath your heart? Quite frankly, I have thought a lot about it and decided I think closure is a bunch of bunk.
Sometimes things happen to you in life and those things change you forever and ever. In this case, a desolate young woman will hold her tiny baby close and inhale that sweet baby smell every parent knows. She will sing one last lullaby, whisper a prayer and walk away for a lifetime. She will not have closure. She will have a broken heart. Though her heart will eventually mend, she will never be the same. I will never be the same.
Her courageous decision and these events occurring across the ocean will have just as profound an impact on me and my little family. There is a part of me so ashamed because I find amazing joy in her unspeakable grief. I am not sure how to reconcile these feelings and so I offer up another prayer:
Dear God, please let us feel you near to us these last few weeks as the adoption is finalized. For Abigail, I pray for health and strength. Let her feel safe, secure and loved by the care givers in the foster center. For Abigail's birth mom, I pray again for a peace that passes all understanding. Let there be a spiritual family to surround her and encourage her. Flood her soul with wellness. I pray, Father, that you would open up the windows of heaven and pour your blessings upon this young woman. I also pray Lord that she would continue with her studies and you would grant her favor. Let her live a good life marked with mercy. Bless her sacrifice. As the court date unfolds, give us all courage and grace.